Is it really THAT bad??

Is it really that bad?

Let me reiterate that AirForceOne and I do not fight. We may have our disagreements and we may get upset but never to the point where we can't stand to be around each other for an extended period of time. ALL relationships will have those moments when it is not lovey-dovey so all know them when we see them.

But, have you ever noticed that when people get upset with each other, one or the other (and I have found it to be the woman most of the time) doesn't want to speak to the other? One may find themselves so upset over "something" that for that moment, or moments thereafter (or days! LOL), the last person they want to be around is you!

I have noticed that the tension that results is such that extraordinary time and effort must be expended to bring the relationship back to "normal." I am not one to argue or fight with my friends either so I have a hard time wrapping my mind around this phenomenon that causes two people who otherwise care for each other deeply to "have" to separate.

Then, the tiptoe-ing starts because now the offending party doesn't quite know how to approach the offended party to even determine what caused this rift in the first place!

Was it really that bad?

I am a person who believes in maximizing the joy that I feel with another person. I find that fussing or spending negative energy over what is more often than not a minor issue, is, well, pointless.

I have also seen otherwise commited people dissolve their relationship over things that, in retrospect, weren't really that severe, or severe enough to destroy what they had. When they meet months or years later in a different frame of mind, they often can't even remember what it was that caused the difficulty, or can now admit that it really wasn't that bad.

So, since we ALL have gone through this process, what should we do to prevent it from bubbling up to become a mountain-out-of-a-molehill thing?

I have good friends with whom it is important to be clear when you are communicating your thoughts. I know them well. Not that they will fly off the handle with indignation over something they KNOW that I didn't intend to be offensive, but they may pause to ponder what was just said and, because we are close, we review it for clarification.

Can you talk to your intimate this way? Can they talk to YOU like that, or is your wiring set to react negatively at first.

I remember writing on a message board, oh, 11 years or so ago, "Don't rue the past; rule the future!" Or, to borrow again from from my friend, SmittyB, "Don't create regret!"

If your relationship is worth having, and thereby worth saving, pause a bit...allow each other to be who they are; let misunderstandings BE misunderstandings and not the catalyst to start a bonfire.

Look for and see all the reasons why you were attracted to them in the first place and look for them EVERY day! Remind yourself why this person IS so special to you now that you're committed to them. Live as if you couldn't live without them and they will respond with the same.

Remember, do this ONLY when you are committed...before then, you have to get to know each other first but that delicious journey is one of wonder and excitement. Approach THAT with the same enthusiasm.

Live and love out loud with each other. Glory and exalt the union you have and give it all the positive energy you can. And, most important, don't sweat the small stuff...

Blessings...