Fighting Unfairly

It's an interesting phenomenon in my house. Air Force One and I do not fight. We may have differences of opinions or we may get upset with each other over this or that, but we do not fight. I'm not sure why that is but I do know that we like each other and, for the most part, our household is a happy one. In fact, some of Jocelyn's girlfriends have said out loud how they wished THEIR houses were like our house, or their parents were like us.

Other couples, however, fight to win. One has to be vanquished and the remainder must raise their arms in victory.

I'm afraid that I cannot understand that. I thought that if you had a "debate" about something in a relationship, the goal was to create understanding so that both of you could avoid future conflicts and continue on your mission as one unit. But, there are some people who just are downright nasty when they fight.

One of the nastier things that one will do is to dredge something up from waaaaaaaay back in the day, or to use an admission given in confidence against the other person. I recall someone saying to me, "that's why your first wife left you!" or "you always do that when..." Whoa...!

What does any of that have to do with what we are talking about now? I have seen it time and time again where one will use information AGAINST someone they are supposed to love and care about. Again, I guess they're trying to "win" when they should be doing everything they can to squelch this mess; but all they succeeded in doing is hurting the other person...sometimes badly.

I think that if people want to know why a person doesn't "open up" to them it is for that reason. Sooner or later, that information that is proffered will come back up like bad vomit and with the same caustic effect. It is one thing to have you know something to help you understand me better but not if it will come out as a stealth-delivered neutron bomb sometime down the road.

Then again, some people just like to fight! They find it exciting, I suppose, but to me it is far too stressful to consider my girl to be my enemy. If that was the case, I don't want to be in that kind of relationship.

One doesn't have to necessarily be in love with someone to show them courtesy and respect. If you are going to take the time to "take the time" then it would seem that you would want to create such beauty that it takes your breath away just to think about it.

People have developed bad habits over the years and some of them can be a deal breaker, like smoking would have been for me. But, if some of those habits are not deal breakers and they can be addressed with humor ("So, your meals come with sound effects, eh?" LOL), they may be things which the other person wasn't aware of and will gladly correct for you.

So, share your thoughts with me about fighting fairly or unfairly. Do you fight "to win?" How do you handle conflicts...even with your friends?

Thanks,

Don