How To Be Friends With Someone Who Is Married

This is something that I've wanted to write for years.

I've been online for quite a few years now and have participated in hundreds of chats, exchanged notes with thousands of people from all over the world. I dare say that the vast majority of them are women and as a man with only a handful of male friends, I suppose that doesn't surprise me or should surprise anyone who knows me.

There are so many women online who I consider friends; hell, even my very best friend (JShep) is very much a woman. lol Through my meet and greets over the last 8-1/2 years, I've met quite a few in person as well which has made our friendships with each other even more special.

Over these years on the Planet and elsewhere, I have read many a warning on women's pages that sound like "no women; no married men; no one under a certain age" and on and on. Naturally, to each their own but I think that there are a handful of married PEOPLE who are unfairly representing the rest of us.

It is perfectly OK to be friends with someone who is married; particulary someone who is not looking to have an affair or one night stands or any of that stuff. Many times, the perception is that those who are married and online must have something "missing at home" or are looking to get their jollies with this fantastic human JC Penny catalog called the Internet.

Oh, I am sure there are a few who are looking for those sorts of things but why must all of us who are married be doing the same?

Give us a break!

So, here is how to have a long lasting and rewarding friendship with someone online who happens to be married:

•    Acknowledge their marital status and never forget it. 
           
• Congratulate them on being married particularly if it has been a long time, and mean it!
  
  
• READ their page and try to find out if they are soliciting? If you don't see it, don't presume it.
  
  
• Discover the things you have in common.
  
  
• Understand that a married person cannot or will not do all the things that a single person can do and respect their boundaries.
  
  
• Do NOT use their marital status as a method of whistling past the graveyard. We all know and remember how married we are; we chose it! But, when women constantly say things like, "You can't do this because you're married" or "If your wife/hubby will let you..." or something inane like that, what is your point?
  
  Being married is NOT a death sentence yet these statements make it seem like the married person is behind bars, for God's sake!
  
  
• Chat with them about whatever you like! You do not have to tiptoe around as if you can't talk to a married person like you do a single one. If they are accepting of your friendship, then treat them as you would any other friend of yours. Do you consider ALL of your opposite sex friends as a potential bed partner?
  
  
• Do not believe that because they find you attractive that is a signal that they are ready to be unfaithful...or unfaithful with you. You are attractive because you ARE attractive. Your friend's marital status is NOT going to make you into someone ugly all of a sudden. Be flattered that they can love their spouse and still acknowledge your attributes.
  
  
• When women say something like "All the good men are married," is that supposed to make us wish we weren't? Let's hope that good men and women who are married believe they did the right thing when they took that stroll.
   
  If you are a good woman, and believe that good men  should marry someone worthy, just because some of the "good ones" you know are married should give you an idea of what kind of man you want. One of my oldest friends once told me that the kind of man she wanted was "an unmarried Donny Short." She told not too long ago that she still does.
  
  
• However, if you are one who will say to a married person, "If you were my man/woman, you wouldn't be allowed to do what you're doing" or "My man/woman would not be allowed to be online" well, I'm not sure what kind of friend you would be to someone anyway.
  
  Be the kind of friend that you are looking for. Maybe THAT's why you're still single? 
  
  
• A married person's personality does not change because they are wearing a ring. If they are funny and gregarious, they will still be. Hell, maybe that's what attracted their spouse to them in the first place. It may be why they are popular period! So, don't feel that you have to change yourself or they themselves around you just because they are married.
  
  
• Don't be afraid to ask your married friends their opinion of someone you may be interested in. They can give you either an objective opinion or one based on how much they care for you as a friend, right?
  
  
• Don't try to guilt a married a person with the "if only you were not married" line.  And??
  
  
• And, finally, don't tell a married person that they are just like a brother or a sister to you. Ugh...!!! They are your friend; not your relative! Got it!? LOL

I've been really fortunate in that my many women friends are not only loyal friends they are also loyal to my family. If they have found me attractive, it has never interfered with the more important thing: being friends! I will readily acknowledge that I have some of the most beautiful and alluring ladies ANYWHERE as my friends. Hell, they can't help it! LOL

 

Too many times, if not always, love affairs (just like the relationships between some single people) will end badly and whatever friendship was there in the beginning is now lost forever. What a tragedy when you think about it because true friends are literally forever and the love that a married person will have for someone that they have accepted into their world is precious indeed.       

So, if you came to my page, maybe enjoyed a picture that I left in your guest book, received an invitation to come to one of my Meet & Greets, read a blog entry, or noticed how well I get along with other single people and thought I was worthy of being your friend, then you and I have taken a big step to enriching each others lives!

Welcome to my world!