Expecting/Wanting/Making a Man Commit
I have written about this many times and I have concluded several things: When a man won't "commit" or share his innermost thoughts, it is usually because he doesn't trust you with them.
I've seen it a million times when people will take an intimate point that was shared in the past and bring it up during an argument or something like that to prove to them that this is why you are the way you are. I actually heard one woman say to a guy, "...and you wonder why your first wife left you."
Excuse me?!
Enough instances like that and brother-man won't share a headache with you.
So, when he won't commit, he hasn't learned to trust you with his vulnerabilities and one of the last things a man will ever want is to appear weak or vulnerable to anyone.
Men also do not like to dwell in their past, particularly their dark past, and prefer the clean break of moving forward. This means, we do NOT want to discuss how we feel or felt about something negative in our past. We know its there but we prefer it remain there.
Second, a man desires appreciation above nearly everything when it comes to relationships. If you don't show him that he is important TO YOU and that he matters TO YOU, then you will not be shown any consideration in return. Since it is so often expected that the man is to provide and protect, when these are not shown their due consideration then there is no passion or meaning in doing them for you.
Last, when a man won't commit, it simply means he won't commit to you! Oh, when he finds the woman who will exhibit trust, appreciation, and passion for him, there is NOTHING he won't do for them. Often, a man has to find his own way to an ending and when it comes to love, he acts more on his reasoning and reptilian instincts rather than the way a woman acts. These differences are what makes us unique and valuable in our own genders.
All of the things that are listed are what women desire and mistakenly expect men to feel the same way. We won't...not without a reason. It is what it is...and it needs to be understood for exactly what it means.
posted by Don Short at
8:23 PM
3 Comments:
Understood. But that still leaves those of us without a committed relationship just feeling...alone.
I think because women are so invested in their emotions: feeling them, thinking about them, talking about them that we expect for our men to be the same way, and that is not and has never been the case.
But on the other hand, it is still incumbent upon the men in question to be just as transparent as we are, even if it is not in the same way. I know that may not seem fair, but the disconnect seems to come when HE expects thusly and so, and SHE expects x, y and z and ne'er the twain shall meet?
So how does the communication divide get bridged if we are both left guessing?
Words can hurt, and we all know how to use them that way. We need to become just as proficient at using them to bring us together so that we can STAY together.
Sad that posts like this are necessary but they are appreciated all the same. So the fact that a man doesnt want to share the deep dark stuff doesnt mean that they dont think we are special enough to share it with they just dont like to do it.
Let's be honest Don, you speak for the position of an "honorable man", and just like men who don't want to show there vunerablity, there are men who prey upon our.
They coming for what ever it is we have to offer and they coming like sheep in wolves clothing.
They have no intention of sharing their past, their most intimate thoughts and would do so only to make us soft for them, we come up thinking "he needs me", and he has really tricked us, lured us into a false sense of security.
Sure women talk and tell and we ALL are guilty of throwing something back in someone's face, and the woman whom you heard making reference to the first wife may had good cause.
Most of the time, as women KNOW, who we got and what we getting into.
We fail to see the signs of potential relationship problems and go in with the false hope of thinking we can change a man.
Men go into a relationship only as it appeals to meeting some basic need.
Few men come in, really wanting to be open and honest with us as women, and yes they will prefer to leave the past in the past because most of the time it was them who mucked it up. And they don't want you to be aware of their "silent but deadly past", in the case he was a snake, he don't want the new person to know he was low down, cause in most cases " a leopard don't change his spots".
Why some men really are afraid of commitment has nothing to do with us women, they lack the ability to be honest, and once we stuck on them, and the truth about them come up, we mad, hurt and upset.
There is a "Law of Intention" that is apart of all this and for the most part, that law will manifest what ever was the intention of the person.
If he or she came with good, that's what we see, but if they comes with lies, deceit and bull crap, that is what is going to be manifested.
So many women find out that they loving men who are still in a married relationship but ousted from that relationship, instead of telling us they separated, they lie and say they not married, then after we invest ourselvs emotionally the truth comes out.
We have wasted time, love, energy and life with trying to bond with someone who isn't in a position to bond.
Although we break up with them, they not going into the next relationship telling the next woman about their crap. She gets fed the same game.
Bottom line, the problem ain't us. It's them and so many men have the habit of crapping up somebodies life and then side stepping the mess and don't want to be reminded they need to fix the crap of their past, come to terms with it, be open about it...One thing I can tell you is this:
Women don't leave good men!
But they will leave the garbage as soon as it began to stink up their lives.
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